Hey guys :)
I feel like this blog is becoming more of a journal than anything else. I really hope you guys don't mind to have such a mixed range of topics in here. If you want I can make it more of beauty related and create a new blog for these personal things.
I'm back to YouTube and it makes me feel really good about it. I just need to catch up. I have been working 30 hours a week, and looking to a new job, and starting Esthetics school next month, I am so excited!!!!
And thanks for 23 followers! I feel like I felt when I started YouTube, just wish that we could reply to comments in an easier way. But I really appreciate all the support I get from all of you.
Sometimes is funny how we can talk to people that we acutally see everyday, but never really goes anywhere, other than routine talking... Then you are online, and you can relate a lot more to people you never saw in front of you. Or maybe we just feel safer to open up to people that can't really judge you?
Anyways...
Lately I have been paying a lot more attention to relationships. I guess it is because I'm turning 22 soon and I don't really see what I will end up doing. I just don't wanna be a 35 year old, never married and only with failure relationships. But at the same time I am not sure if I am really ready for a serious one, however, I already know that if it is not going to be a serious, dedicated one, I rather stay single.
I see that almost all my high school friends, and even friends from Brasil are already married, or are engaged. It makes me wonder sometimes if I deserve it or not. I mean, even tho I was dating for over two years, he never even bothered giving me flowers, we never had anything romantic, unless it was me doing... Lies! When he officially asked me out, he took me to dinner in a Japanese restaurant, that was the first month we were dating, it was a really cool day... I guess those two years was just hoping for another day like that. I am not going to say we didn't have cute days, but nothing really like a romantic grown up thing...
Most of the time I would think that I didn't deserve it, or wasn't good enough for that. But to be honest, I think I am a good girlfriend, the thing is... he wasn't the one.
I'm not 100% sure if I am ready to go into something right now.
Also lately I have been feeling a little disposable. I always meet people when they are broken or something happens. Once they are back on their feet, it seems like they forget who was by their side when they were shattered. My entire life was like that, somehow people trust me very easily with their feelings, but then they go away. Maybe is my fault? I don't like to think it is, after all I care about them.
Sometimes people ask me why do I want to be a make-up artist or why do I bother with so many broken people, and I my answer is that I just want people to feel pretty, even tho it is covered by a layer of colors, or by having someone to listen to them. I know it is two different questions, but the answer is the same. I guess I feel like people are challenging, and I will be there to help them face their fears, so I don't have to face my own. Since I can't feel good about how I look or things I feel, I don't want others feel the same way, I want to see them happy! But I don't really let anyone in, or trust myself... I guess I have serious self image issues and low self esteem, even tho is not really out there for people to see it.
Anyways, this post is getting too long and boring.
:) I hope you guys have a good day!
xoxo,
I honestly like these more personal entries. I relate to a lot of things you talk about, especially broken people moving on once they have someone in their lives. Or people move away and I feel alone again. But keep strong, you are a wonderful person. There is a time for everything and you will find the right person for you. Just keep bettering yourself and enjoying your life. That's all you can do.
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